Windswept Read online

  “Is it that obvious?” She sighed. “I can deal with it, though. It’s my last year, that’s all I have to get through.”

  “And then what?” I studied her as she stared ahead, her eyes wandering. “Do you know what you’re going to do after school?”

  “No.” It was a simple answer, but even I could tell there was a complexity behind the word. The subject seemed to deflate her and I quickly responded, “Well, make sure you do something just for you, and not anybody else.”

  She looked over at me. “Is that what you’re doing?”

  “Every damn day.”

  The train slowed and her eyes dropped as she gathered her bag. She stood but paused before heading for the door, which had only seconds until it would open.

  “Will I see you again later?” she asked.

  I didn’t want to come across as some desperate guy who had nothing better to do (I didn’t), but that wasn’t something I wanted her to know. I also couldn’t say no, though.

  “Do you want to see me again?”

  The doors opened and she hesitated a fraction longer. Her eyes met mine.

  “Yes.” A small smile appeared right before she left, and I savored it.

  The doors closed. Sinking deeper into my chair, I let out a long breath. The nervousness finally left my stomach and I could breathe properly again. I hoped the strange something between us would become something more. I wanted to know her name, but the moment never seemed right to ask.

  Now I had to wait another seven hours before I could see her again.

  By the time the train pulled into the next stop, I was gone. My seat sat empty and nobody looked twice for the boy who had been there only moments ago.

  The task of wasting time.

  It was something I’d come to loathe. It was the only thing that ever made me think twice about going back to school, but even then, it was never enough. Occasionally, I would slip into a big class somewhere in a community college and nobody would ever even notice me. And if they did, it wouldn’t matter anyway.

  But today was worse than usual, because I had something to actually look forward to. I sat in the park for as long as I could take it, which turned out to be close to an hour. It had to be a personal best. After that fun little hour of boredom, I walked to the other corner of the park, near Sixth Avenue. I enjoyed the walk—it was a change from the ordinary.

  I almost felt like a normal person, walking. Walking under the colored trees, the sun shining down through the branches, I was in oddly good mood. Maybe I’ll ask her what her name is. I knew I probably wouldn’t do it, though. I was still too nervous. But tomorrow . . . that could be a real possibility. Tomorrow had a good feeling to it. I smiled again, and then my stomach stirred with doubt.

  Maybe.

  But to kill time, I decided to see what Iceland was like this time of year.

  SAM

  NEW YORK, UNITED STATES

  HE WAS ON THE SUBWAY AGAIN THAT AFTER-noon. We made more small talk about nothing important, and even though the subjects were uninteresting, I found him to be anything but. My heart fluttered against my rib cage every time he looked at me. I felt my cheeks redden every time a hint of a smile appeared.

  I felt like a complete idiot. Was this what other girls in my school felt like when they were around boys they liked? I was beginning to understand why most of them had boyfriends. I loved having his attention, and I wanted to know more about him. Even the empty, meaningless stuff.

  Now I stood waiting for the train after school on Friday. I was slightly disappointed I hadn’t seen him that morning, and I found my general feelings toward the subway had drastically changed—I actually looked forward to riding it now.

  I tried to take my mind off him and thought about the planned night out with Nella. My parents had left early that morning, and I had the house to myself for the next few days, if not more. All I had to do was remember to feed Levi and make sure my homework was done. Flickers of green cliffs flashed through my mind briefly and I pushed them away. Last night’s dreams had been horribly vivid, and I was almost to the point where I wished they would stop. They weren’t normal, and whenever I thought about them, they put me on edge.

  When the subway doors slid open, I walked on and took my seat next to the boy whose name I still didn’t know. I watched his fingers play with the edges of his bag, and then he suddenly asked, “Can I walk you home today?”

  My heart sped up in response to the unexpected question. I didn’t even know his name, and he was asking if he could walk me home. Did I want a stranger knowing where I lived? The answer was simple.

  “No.” The spark in his eyes faded, but he nodded, understanding. Then I compromised. “Not the whole way at least.”

  “How many blocks?” The corner of his mouth lifted, just as it always did.

  “That’s for me to decide,” I said.

  “More than one?” His tone was close to joking and I laughed.

  “Possibly.”

  “I’ll Rock Paper Scissors you for it. If I win, I’ll walk you at least halfway. If you win, you get to decide when to ditch me.”

  His eyes smiled, and I couldn’t say no.

  I won; two out of three.

  We stood as the train came to a stop, and I swung my bag around my shoulders. Now that our relationship had moved from beyond the train and into the real world, I was determined to find out actual real-world facts about him. We were still strangers to each other, but I had a feeling that was about to change, and this was the first step. He followed me onto the platform, and I had to remember how to walk. But I had only gone about five feet when I stopped and turned to him.

  “I think this would all work better if I knew your name. That way if my parents ever ask about you, I won’t have to say, ‘the stranger from the subway.’ Because I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t go over very well.”

  “And why would you be talking to your parents about me?” He cocked his head curiously, raising his eyebrows. I blushed. “Did you just admit that you want to see more of me?” He was holding back a smile and it made me blush even more.

  And then something happened, something I had yet to see. He grinned, widely, and when he did, a dimple appeared on his left cheek.

  Needless to say, I was distracted.

  “I—no, it’s just—I want to know your name.” I spoke like I didn’t know how to form words properly.

  “I think it’s more than that, but I’ll let it go for now.” He looked past me for a moment before telling me. “My name is Reid.”

  “Sam.”

  “Good. I’m no longer the stranger from the subway.”

  “Now you’re Reid, from the subway.”

  “I’m not sure if that’s any better, to be honest.”

  I smiled and walked up the steps with Reid at my side. The sun started to dip below the city horizon when we got to street level. Seeing the sun low reminded me again that Nella and I had plans tonight, which I didn’t want to think about yet. “Can I ask you something?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t see why not.”

  “What do you do?”

  Reid glanced over. “How do you mean?”

  “You said you were riding the subway because you felt like it. What else do you do? Do you go to school?”

  He hesitated. “Um, no.”

  “A job?”

  “No.”

  I slowed to a stop. “Then what do you do?” People walked past, giving us dirty looks for stopping the flow.

  “I go places,” he answered simply.

  “Like what kind of places?”

  He narrowed his eyes, didn’t answer, and walked away, leaving me no choice but to follow him. When I came up beside him, he said, “Wherever I want. Why are you so curious?”

  “Because I don’t think you’re telling me the whole truth.” There were only a few more blocks until my street, but I wanted to know at least something about him before we parted ways. I knew his name, and that was it. It wasn’t enough.


  “You’re right . . . I’m not.” There was disappointment in his voice. Something flashed in his eyes before he looked away, like a pang of guilt, or something very close to that. A normal person would have elaborated and explained himself, but he didn’t.

  I didn’t feel like smiling anymore. I stopped walking at the corner of the next street. I felt a pang in my stomach now and had the desire to go home. “Well, thanks for walking me—not home.” I avoided looking into his eyes.

  “Did I say something wrong?”

  “No, it’s what you didn’t say. I’m sorry, it’s just going to be hard learning more about you if you’re never going to tell me anything of substance. I know we just met, but it seems you don’t want to take this any further.”

  I was surprised that my words came out sounding so strong. I didn’t feel strong. I felt terrible because I didn’t want this good thing between us to go away, but I had known sooner or later whether what we shared on the train was going to end. Eventually, you have to get off the train. Eventually, you reach a destination.

  His eyes weren’t happy anymore, and I was thinking the tone of my voice might have been a little too harsh. I wasn’t making it easy on him, but I didn’t care at that point. He was going to either like me or hate me, and he could have it be his choice. Besides, I tried to convince myself, he’s just a stranger, so what does it really matter?

  Because I want to know the stranger.

  “It’s not that I don’t want to tell you things, it’s that . . . I can’t right now. We only just met.” His eyes became pleading. “Please, ask something else, anything, and I promise to tell you the truth.”

  I didn’t know what to ask, but then something popped into my mind. I bit my lip, not sure if I was going too far from my sanity. But if I never asked, I would regret it.

  “Were you in front of my house Monday night?”

  His eyes froze, and I could almost see his brain working out the question. I was afraid of the answer but still wanted it all the same.

  Reid opened his mouth, but a moment passed before he said, “Yes.”

  My mind couldn’t come up with any possibilities. “Why were you there? How do you know where I live?” I could only imagine the shocked look on my face.

  “I was trying to give back your hat, but by the time I caught up with you, I saw you go into your house.” He cut himself off, even though I felt like there was more to it. His chest began rising and falling faster than before, and he took a step back and then raised his palms. “I’m sorry—I’ll just go.”

  “Reid, wait.” I didn’t want him to go yet. I was worried that if he left now, I wouldn’t see him again. I shouldn’t have cared so much, but I did. Despite everything, I still wanted more.

  “I promise you won’t see me again. I’m sorry—” He turned and briskly walked away.

  “Reid, wait!” I watched him disappear around the next corner. Tears stung the corners of my eyes, and my stomach took a nasty dip.

  The rest of my walk home was a blur, and I opened the door to my house before I knew it. Levi came trotting from the direction of the kitchen, his tail swinging high to greet me, but for once, I wasn’t in the mood to give him even a simple smile. I let him outside, and once he was back in, I went up to my room.

  I didn’t want to think about anything for the next three hours until Nella came over, so I decided the best thing to do was sleep. Sleep and hope that I hadn’t ruined everything.

  It was quarter to nine when I walked downstairs. My hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail and I had just thrown on a simple cardigan and a black jacket over it. I hoped Nella wouldn’t want to go anywhere fancy. Everything I wore matched my mood.

  Levi was already at the bottom of the steps, ready to follow me into the kitchen. We normally left him inside while we were gone because he had a good temper and usually just slept, but I decided to let him explore the backyard until I got home. I probably wouldn’t be gone that long.

  I watched for a moment while he ran around our small yard before I locked the back door. The house seemed eerie without my parents around, and I almost felt like flipping on the TV so there would be something to fill the silence.

  I sat on the bottom step to wait for Nella. It was dark outside, and probably cold, but thankfully there was no wind. Reid kept coming to mind, and my heart sank every time he did. I messed up, or maybe I didn’t and it was better this way, but it felt like a mess-up.

  When he said I would never see him again, I felt like he’d been telling the truth, like he really meant it. I wanted to take back everything I’d said. I wanted to tell him that I didn’t care if I didn’t know anything about him—it was okay if he was really just trying to give my hat back on Monday.

  I groaned into my hands, angry for both feeling miserable over a boy I barely knew and for letting such a boy go so easily.

  A car horn honked outside, and I hurried out the door, glad for any distraction tonight. Nella was driving her mom’s blue Mini Cooper, and I climbed into the passenger seat. The interior was already warm, and Nella stared at me as I buckled my seatbelt.

  “What?” I asked.

  “What are you wearing?” she asked dramatically. She pushed the gas a little too hard, and we were on our way.

  I glanced over her clothes and took note of her nonwrinkled pants and red trench coat, which probably hid a blouse underneath. I shrugged. “What I usually wear? You didn’t say anything about dressing up.”

  She shook her head. “I should have known. How will a guy look twice at you if he mistakes you for a boy at first glance?”

  “Nell.”

  “Sorry,” she muttered, “I didn’t mean that. At least that jacket is cute.”

  The mention of guys brought Reid back into my head, and for some reason, I suddenly felt like staying home. Despite wanting a distraction, I also didn’t want to be in public. I wanted anime and pity food.

  “I don’t look that bad, and you know it. Where are we going anyway?” I asked.

  “Well, I don’t know if I should tell you, because you’ll probably jump out of the car if I do.”

  I glared over at her. “Nell, where are we going?”

  She peeked over at me as we stopped at a red light. “Well, there’s this club—”

  “A club? We aren’t twenty-one. How are we supposed to get in?” Not to mention, I had never been to a club and didn’t know if I even ever wanted to. My life just got more lame with that thought.

  “It’s in an old warehouse—”

  My mind drew a blank until the meaning of what she’d said dawned on me. “Is this club . . . legal?” I crossed my arms and glared even more. First she dragged me out of the house, and now she was taking me to an illegal club.

  “Come on, Sam, where’s your fun side? Besides, it is going to be fun. That’s the point of tonight, right?”

  I put on my bored face and asked dully, “How so, exactly?”

  “I heard they have the best DJ in the city and the bartender doesn’t card anyone. Not to mention, the bouncers don’t card anyone at the door because they don’t care.”

  “We don’t drink. And you know dancing really isn’t my thing.”

  “I know, but I haven’t gotten to the best part yet.”

  I watched the road, and we were already getting closer to some part of town that I probably would have avoided if I hadn’t agreed to go with her. I wasn’t just afraid for us; I was also afraid for her mom’s car.

  As Nella continued her argument, she said something I never expected to hear: “They also hold fights there.”

  My eyes widened looking at her again, forgetting about the deadly neighborhood.

  “This club that we are going to, right now, is also a fight club?” I clenched my jaw together so I wouldn’t issue dirty words at my best friend.

  She shrugged and grinned at me. “Yeah, I guess so. It seems pretty awesome to me.”

  “Have you been taking drugs lately . . . or like maybe you’re
on them right now? Seriously, Nella, what has been up with you? You’re not usually like this. We don’t go out Friday nights, and we definitely don’t do clubs.”

  Even as I said it, I knew that wasn’t true. She had been slowly changing over the year, and I had simply decided to ignore it. She was changing while I stayed the same. The thought itself didn’t help boost my self-esteem. She was moving forward without me.

  A moment passed before she spoke, but when she did, there was something about her voice that sounded different. “I met someone.”

  The car was silent for a whole minute until I asked, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I didn’t tell you because it only happened within the last few days. Actually—I think you have a class with him. His name is Luke.”

  I blinked. “I know Luke. He’s in English with me, right? Is he the blond guy that looks like Tamaki from Ouran High School Host Club except with glasses?”

  She snorted. “I don’t even know what you’re talking about, but sure? Please don’t be mad at me, Sam. He said he was going tonight, and well . . . I couldn’t say no. Please don’t be mad at me?”

  I shook my head. “No, I’m not mad at you—just tell me next time, okay?”

  She nodded, smiling. “I promise.”

  We drove on—to who knows where, and I didn’t want to ask—and the traffic had died down by the time we were surrounded by old warehouses. There were a few cars in front of us, a few behind, and we figured they were going to the same place. Why else would people be out here?

  We arrived, and I felt like going home again. A red light flashed in my brain, reminding me I was way out of my comfort zone, and I sank deeper into my seat.

  A line had formed outside the door. It took us at least five minutes just to find parking a couple blocks away, and I made sure that Nella put any valuables out of sight and locked the car before we started walking. Despite the cold weather, a couple of girls passed us wearing high stilettos and miniskirts.

  “I so don’t belong here,” I muttered.

  Nella didn’t even glance at me, continuing to walk with the same persistence, no doubt finding Luke was on her mind. “That’s not true.”